


Faithfully

by Enigma_IM



Series: Fanfics of Fanfics [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Short, fanfic of a fanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:21:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24307339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enigma_IM/pseuds/Enigma_IM
Summary: Rey finds out the asshole at work is her soulmate. angst ensues
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Fanfics of Fanfics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1754797
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	Faithfully

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [For Now](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22689091) by [Celia_and](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celia_and/pseuds/Celia_and). 



> Ceilia_and wrote a really good story, I cried.  
> I read the first chapter of it and was like so pissed at him so I got way too caught up in a story idea that I accidentally wrote one. did this with a loki fic too. i have no self control. 
> 
> also the title is the song by journey cause all my titles are classic rock songs, mostly.

He continues on and on, rambling about his beliefs. It makes my limbs feel tight and hot. How could someone not want to know who their soulmate is? The idea that anyone could avoid such a thing is mind-boggling. To each their own I guess. Still, hearing such blatant disrespect to something unavoidable makes me angry.

"I hate the idea of someone being forced onto me, like, I don't need them. I don't want someone the universe chose for me, I'd rather find them myself and make my own choice if I want them or not," he continues on. I can understand, I really can. No one likes being told what to do or who to love, its very human. On the other hand, he is taking that choice away from them. That person could be waiting so eagerly to meet him, to share her life with him, but he is stewing in his own personal hatred that he refuses to help.

Listening to him -god- It's getting harder to give him the benefit of the doubt here. I heard from others around the office that he wasn't close with anyone, not even his family. Someone mentioned that his father had a heart attack recently. I offered my condolences and he could not care less. I try to think 'perhaps his home life isn't great' but he seems so spoiled to think that could be true.

I look at his overly animated hands as he talks. Listening to his spiel of how hard it is to have an opinion on the matter in a hard set society. I honestly couldn't give less of a fuck. My knuckles pop as I grip the arm of the chair, my teeth grind as I clench my jaw. I have heard people explain what he is overly explaining to me before, it hasn't bothered me as much as it does now. I should leave before I do something I regret.

"Well, that's great. I should leave now. It was…bye," I stand quickly and head to the door. Before I can step out he grabs my elbow. My forearm jerks harshly at the contact, the rage I feel for this man transferring into the disgust of him touching me.

"Hey, thanks for listening. No one would tolerate my rants on the topic. Soulmates are such a pointless thing that I believe we are better off without. I can ignore it well enough till I meet a woman and see the name written on her neck while in bed. It's such a mood killer," he huffs with a smile. Hearing him admit to sleeping with other women actually hurts for some reason. Like he is spitting on his mate's face with his lack of care. Then seeing the names of the woman's mate as he fucks them, like how can you even finish?

I'm not sure how I gained the courage to jerk my arm out of his hold let alone real back and deck him in the face. My fist connects with his nose in a rather painful smack of skin. He startles as he stumbles back, tripping over the leg of a chair. He turns and catches himself on his hand. In a brief moment of pride I watch him try to collect himself on the floor. As I see him wipe blood from his face I see the bold letters on his neck. The familiarity punching me straight in the gut.

"For fuck sakes," I tense. Too many emotions flood my body as I quickly exit the room. My limbs shake and seize as my spine feels cold. My breath stutters as I walk to my office. People try to grin warmly to me but change to concern. I don't bother with any of them, my ear ringing once I close the door behind myself. I numbly fall to the floor. My body shakes and feels like its freezing. I catch myself blinking rapidly and kicking my legs in no pattern. I try to catch my breath but it seems just out of my reach. I fall to my side and cry.

I have waited my whole life for him. Someone who was perfect for me in every way. The man who was to be my best friend, my confidant, and lover. I wanted that, I needed that. Now, I know I'm paired to some sleeve who couldn't give two shits about me. How great, how typical.

As I have my first panic attack in five years I faintly hear a knocking on my door. I barely feel the door bump into my back as someone pushes their way in. I can feel hands on my shoulder but it isn't till someone pets my hair do I notice I'm resting in their lap. A man coos as he holds me.

We sit there for what feels like hours. He threads his fingers through my hair, his thumb brushing over the back of my neck often. I just rest and catch my breath, finally reaching a pace that I can relax with. No one talks for the time, I don't even know who he is.

"You saw, didn’t you," the man mumbles. My stomach drops, it's him. His hand stops stroking my head as he feels me stiffen. "Please don't have another panic attack, I don't think I can help again," he tries to joke but it falls flat over the wave of anxiety. I try to sit up but he grabs me and pulls my back to his front. His head rests on my spine, nuzzling my words.

"Please," I whimper. I can't deal with this right now. All this build-up for him just to be crushed is too much to bare. I squirm in his hold, trying to pry his hands away from my middle.

"No, wait," he pulls me back tighter," let me fix this. I have to fix this."

"Why? You made yourself clear before," a tear runs down my cheek," just please, I need to be alone." I wiggle and writhe, trying to find even an inch of an escape. I resort to clawing at his hand, panting as panic sets in. I can't be in here with him, god please.

"I'm sorry," he grabs one my hands, "I'm so sorry."

"stop, I'm begging you," I plead, "Let me go." his hold loosens and I wait with bated breath till his arms fall. I quickly crawl away to the other side of the room, wanting as much distance. I rest with my back to the wall, looking at him doing the same against the door. His eyes look puffy and his suit all wrinkled and disorganized. He looks defeated and surprisingly it brings me no joy.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles again," I would have never thought in a thousand years that finally meeting you would be this…I  
don't know, alarming? Scary? Euphoric? All my life choices are crushing my shoulders as I look at you, seeing my name written on your neck. Fuck, mom was right." he brings his knees up to his chest, hugging them close. "I'm so sorry. If I knew I wouldn't- fuck," he rubs his eyes with the heel of his hand.

I watch him suffer, the sight like a bowling ball in my stomach. This has to be some biology trick or something, there is no way I can feel sympathy for him right now. Has to be some hindbrain bullshit making me want to go over to that pig and comfort him. It can't be anything I can help, no way. I punched him not even an hour ago for spewing some hateful bullshit. He admitting to fucking other women out of spite for the world even daring to pair him with someone. God, what does that say about me that the universe assumes I could be his perfect match?

I can't go over to him, I won't. even if this tugging in my chest feels like I'm being ripped apart I will not go over to him. Every time I even ponder the thought the images of other women run through my head. I'm not above admitting I'm jealous or envious. He was supposed to be mine. He was supposed to be my best friend, my lover, my ally. Now all I can see is him cursing my name while shoving his tongue down another person's mouth.

He rambles on to himself, probably the whole world tilting on its axis. Good. I want him to regret his choices. I want him to stew in the embarrassment of trying to reject the universe. At the same time I want it all to go away, just be happy with him. Fuck, I can't handle this. How do you handle something like this?

"Ben," I finally speak. His head jerks up from his hands, staring wide-eyed at me. He has the most beautiful blue eyes.

"Yes," he calls back too eager.

"I-I don't know what to do," I whimper. My lip trembles at the admission. My throat burns and my eyes ache. I can hear him choke on his own breath, stuttering with every exhale.

"I don't know either," he confesses back.

We sit there in silence, listening to each other's uneven breaths and sniffles. Outside I can faintly hear footsteps and whispers. No doubt it being about us. I try to think but my brain is all mush and tangles. I have no idea what to do. Neither one of us leaves knowing we want nothing more than to be near each other. Still knowing that we can't yet.

After a while I give up on fighting. I crawl towards him, his head popping back up as my shoes scuff the tile. I sit next to him, my head thumping against the door as I sigh. Out the corner of my eye I see him watching, waiting. I take in a deep breath.

"I'm upset," I start," it seems you spent most of your life cursing the idea of someone like me being in your life. I hate that you slept around out of spite. I don't think I would have been as mad if you actually cared about them but you did it because you were mad. Mad at someone you didn't even know yet. How did I even have a chance if you hated me before you met me?"

He sits up straight, twisting slightly towards me," I don't hate you, I could never hate you. I was just frustrated. My parents were soulmates but they were at each other's throats constantly. How can someone who you were meant for be someone you can turn on? It felt too conniving, too suspicious. I can't trust a universe that has never been fair."

I feel blank. Which in itself is a blessing, to look at this with unfeeling eyes, unbias eyes.

"Were you scared that you would have ended up like your parents? You knew our meeting was inevitable so you raged against it your entire life," I ask. My throat hurts when I swallow.

"yes and no," he sighs," I am terrified I will end up like my parents, in some ironic twist I think my rebel against this is what will be my downfall. When I was younger I was optimistic, hopeful. It wasn't till my dad left that I realized that things aren't guaranteed. I am promised a soulmate, that’s for certain, but that doesn't mean anything else. They could hate me or love me, outlive me,or die before we share our first kiss. After you meet them, nothing is set in stone. That is why I hate the idea."

"You were scared," I offer.

"Extremely."

I glance towards him," how do you feel about it now?"

He meets my eyes," Just as terrified, if not more now that I know exactly what I'm losing."

I hum in agreement, turning back to look at the darkroom.

We sit in silence for a moment, more empty now than tearful. No direction or even a hint of guidance. Just biology pulling our needs but our wants fighting them.

"How do I fix this? I know I don't deserve the chance but I want the opportunity to try and earn you," he sighs.

"you still think we could end up like your parents," I ask almost lazily.

"The fear is still there, yes," he answers. The honesty is a start.

"So what changed," I look at him. His legs are still bent but spread out, his hands in his lap.

"I want to say something cheesy like, 'it's because I met you'. Which is true, knowing the risk before meeting you meant nothing, but now. Even if we end up that way I think I'm willing to try," he watches me worried. The rejection sitting there between us, ready to be said.

I startle myself," ok."

It seems I startle him too," What?"

"Alright, I don't know how we will do it but you have one shot," I stand, dusting myself off," one shot, Ben." I look at him over my shoulder. He stares at me wide-eyed with the start of a smile on his face. He quickly stands with me, adjusting his tie once he does.

"Great, one shot. Thank you," he steps forward but thinks better of it," I won't let you down."

I nod," you better not. As you can already tell, I'm not above hitting my soulmate in the face." he stiffens but smiles when I chuckle.

"I'll see you this Friday?"

"Yea. You better wow me," I smile.

"I'll do more than that."


End file.
